Like many, I have been surprised by the depth of my reaction to the news that Steve Jobs has died. In times like these, I sometimes wonder what I am doing focused so much on the pretty, the beautiful and the magical all the time? Today, I feel I must interrupt my regular programming of dreamy photographs to share some of my darker thoughts.
© Jonathan Mak is the original source of this now-viral image
(as far as I can tell on two hours of sleep)
(as far as I can tell on two hours of sleep)
As the internet buzzes about Steve Jobs dying yesterday (I recommend the cover story over at Wired.com), I find myself struggling to sleep. The Noodle woke up hours and hours ago scared he heard something in a closet. I soothed him and then couldn't fall back asleep. My thoughts turned back to my sadness about Steve Jobs and I opened up my Twitter. I saw a link to this article about the absolute corruption at American Cancer Society and that was the end of my ability to sleep.
I urge everyone who reads my blog to read that link. It is from the Cancer Prevention Coalition and here is a link to their Board of Directors for comparison.
I really can only think about one aspect of Steve Jobs dying right now. This man died of cancer. This was a man so wealthy and powerful who presumably had every resource at his disposal and it was not enough.
I am deeply saddened by this realization. It is not a new realization. But when you are in remission like me, you let yourself forget the realities that your fellow cancer survivors are dealing with every day. It is almost an obligation of remission to LIVE LIFE to the fullest and put the cancer stuff out of your mind. So I have let my anger at cancer's inequities sit in the kettle of my consciousness instead of boil on the stove of my daily life for the past few years. I know that people love to rally behind a ribbon or an organization. People have wonderful intentions and they run marathons and ride their bikes 100 miles in a day to show how much they care. But we need more.
There are millions and millions of dollars raised for cancer research every year. There are big brains at work tirelessly in research labs basically right down the street from Apple headquarters. (Hi Dr. Levy! Do you remember me?). Yet, there remains an unacceptable disconnect between the two and therein lies the lack of a cure for cancer.
It is 2011. Say what you will about Steve Jobs and his reputation for being caustic and perfectionistic at times, but you cannot argue that the world lost an innovator and a visionary too soon. We have lost too many people to cancer. You think 56 is too soon? Don't even get me started on the babies and children we have lost. The war on cancer is yet another failure of an American war. (That is a link to a book on Amazon about it, just go ahead and search Amazon for "war on cancer" and tell me if you are surprised or not).
There is disease and frustration and hopelessness around me. There are terrible, corrupt things going on in my country (are you following Occupy Wall St.?). We still have an unsustainable and downright frightening food supply (have you seen the latest Threadless design challenge about GMOs?). We have a broken system of public education, even though I know first-hand that innovative and progressive education exists now and yet, it isn't available to all of our nation's children (including my own right now).
This may not be my most eloquent blog post in the five and a half years I have been writing in this space. I started this blog to chronicle the ups and downs of being a mom with cancer way back then. I have grown and shifted over time, as human beings ought to do if they are living authentically and consciously as I strive to do. I have ever more growing to do, and much more work to do with my own life. I get jolts of reminders about this from time to time. I guess this is one of those times.
As for the question I asked myself at the start of the post, I do know why I lean into the pretty and the magical so hard. It's because I have seen the ugly and the dark so hard so many times from such a young age. I sorely need to balance it all out for myself.
Thank you for reading.
Jess
I can add nothing other than "hear hear!"
ReplyDeleteI wish I could write that eloquently and beautifully any day let alone one after two hours of sleep. Wow. You echoed so many things I have been thinking all night. No sleep for me either.
ReplyDeleteI have been a huge Apple fan for quite some time but was still surprised at how hard Steve's death hit me. A huge amount of it was, of course, Steve himself. A pioneer, an innovator, a genius. He gave design such value and as a designer, I have him to thank for so many things. But another huge amount of the grief was cancer itself. I am so tired of losing people too young to this wretched disease. I am tired of red tape and bureaucracy standing in the way of finding a cure. The article you linked to is eye-opening to say the last. I donate regularly to the Canadian Cancer Society and you have inspired me to double-check where my money is going. There are so many good people who raise funds to fight cancer and we need every cent to be given to the labs and brilliant minds that WILL find a cure.
I admire so many things about Steve. Yes, he did have a bit of a reputation in the temper department but most perfectionists do. He proved that elegance, design, technology and innovation can all work together to create something truly magnificent. Like you, I have a blog devoted to the magic and beauty in life. I have heard from friends that I should do more critiquing but I know in my heart what I want to create. There is so much darkness in life and to me, there is value in creating a space where there magic and inspiration can live.
I love this Steve Jobs quote: "Design is the fundamental soul of a man-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers".
Oh boy do I agree! Design and art has such depth and value far beyond looks. It can get someone to think a new way, to find new inspiration, to feel joy, to change someone's life.... An IPad can do that and finding a creative hero on a blog can do that. Creativity holds the key to changing the world and it all starts with inspiration (with a little darkness thrown in too...) I hope you know that applies to the value of your blog and true creative talent. Don't wonder for too long why you focus on the pretty ;)
Sorry for the horrific rambling. Time to figure out how we can cure this evil disease once and for all. Also time to bring my rambling over to my own blog ;)
Your post is so very poignant and I am thankful to have read it.
Jessica, thank you for sharing. I share your disgust with what's going on with cancer research. There have been some amazing strides, but only along with so much graft and corruption. Too many people die from this awful disease. I've know too many. Something has got to give.
ReplyDeletekris-
so very well said
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this Jess. I found it very powerful, moving, thought provoking and brave. I read the articles and was appalled, and even more so that I did not know more.
ReplyDeleteI said to my friend last week, it just shows you that no matter how rich, powerful or famous you are, if you don't have your health, you don't have much.
I was also surprised to see what an emotional response I felt hearing about Steve Jobs, and all the people around me. He truly touched and inspired so many people, and hopefully will continue to do so.
Looking for the beauty in life as you do is not a bad thing. We need the balance as you say. But it's also great to see the flip side when you feel like speaking. We have a long way to go, but being honest is a good start, and opening up others eyes. Big hugs, Mariss
Dearest sweet jess, you write it so well and beautifully. I have not much to say but to tell you how powerful, authentic and moving this post is. Food for thoughts for all of us and i admire your bravery and strength. YOU are my inspiration sweet jess! Thank YOU so much for sharing! Have a lovely merry happy day and love to you!
ReplyDeleteDearest sweet jess, thank YOU so much for your kind words on my new journal! I knew all of you could relate to this process of how things can be very unpleasant while we reach for our dreams and goals. Thank YOU!
ReplyDeleteOh i am so thrilled and excited to know you are becoming drawn to embroidery! Oh yes i could try to come out with a tutorial post for it when things are a little less hectic sometime next month. :) Love to you!